Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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