I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
