what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
time to smoke my breakfast
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
