He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
