just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I party with great urgency now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
