I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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