The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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