I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
