if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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