i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
