How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
