thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is my gift to your gina
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
