You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
