omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
