woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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