have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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