so explain again why im purple
no
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
