she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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