My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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