well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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