The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
4 words: hood of his car
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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