I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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