I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
