Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
