I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
