My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
