I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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