Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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