Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
