Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
