Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
