Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
