Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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