Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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