somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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