thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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