you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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