Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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