Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
