It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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