saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
