Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
