I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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