Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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