she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
