You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
