can we get nightvision for the apartment?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's always time for handjobs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
