Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
