Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
