This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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